Compilation of thoughts (Seattle)

I wanted to post up a blog tonight, so here are some bits of my journal that I created while on my first visit to Seattle. Keep in mind that not everything you are about to read is poetry or songs, some of it is just insights and revelations. Its usual my desire to leave things open to interpretation, but I decided I'd like to explain things for once.

People Watcher
I love to watch people, by myself
I love to watch people and not be jealous of their love
or my lack of a lover.
Instead, watching them makes me grateful...
that love even exists at all.

Ugly Fish
Ugly fish, ugly fish
How wonderful you are
If only we, could be as lucky as thee
made as unique as you are.

this was a bit of insight on the beauty in ugliness. I swear, at the first exhibit at the seattle aquarium, I saw the ugliest fish EVER! However, I realized, as I began to walk away that there is no such thing as ugly or beautiful. It is only a matter of perception and only the one who perceives that something is ugly, is the ugly one. Ugliness is an inner quality. This fish was not ugly, just a different kind of unique.

Revelation: The Individual Perception.
Humans, at the singular level, are all deep, intimate, artistic people. Or at least they can be. BUT, it is in large groups that our primitive nature rears its ugly head.

What this meant to me at this moment was that I was no more special than the next person just because I had the ability to express my artistic creativity. In reality, everyone posses the ability to be as creative as I can. What makes the ultimate difference is how we influence (and often hinder) each others creativity abilities. In groups, we have a different agenda than what we pursue on our own.

A Strange Waltz
Dance with someone you don't know
and learn their rhythm in 3/4 flow
and take it easy as you go
so much to learn, and much to know
All this can be learned in a single dance

So dance with someone you don't know
and learn their life-story in 3/4 flow
and take it easy as you go.
You can not rush the partner you choose
All this can be learned in a single dance.

The Low Tide (a prose of sorts)

I was the sand, she sculpted me.
The next tide destroyed me with ease.

For the castle her and I had built was not able to stand. Our foundation was never stable, and required constant repair which we were unable to keep up with. And the elements chipped away, bit my bit, piece my piece.

It was only a matter of time, though we put on such a good act. Everyone felt we had taken first place, and the creation we had formed, the impression of a sound structure, was impenetrable. But it did not take much to discover otherwise. It did not take long at all.

You had me fooled for the longest time. We had each other fooled. Into thinking this could last forever. We were never mature enough, we were never strong enough, we never cared enough. Look how we both got hurt. And when the next tide rolled in, you were distracted. You were lured in and rolled with it. You rode the next wave away from me.

But don't you know, every tide comes back to shore? Every one of them. Is he really an undertoe? Do you really believe he won't leave you drifting? Or drowning?

Forgive me if I hurt. Forgive me if every time I feel that him smack into me, by just the mention of his name, a little piece of me breaks off and is carried away. Forgive me if I have to run away before I am so broken away at, that there is nothing left of me to build upon.

But enough of the analogies... does that explain everything now? Is it clear now why I have been trying to stay away from you. Trying not to even be reminded of you. I NEVER imagined this day would come where you would finally commit to someone else. I mean, REALLY COMMIT. Im just in shock. And as much as I love you and trust you, even in the plutonic sense, Im just saner if I stay away. Im happier when I don't have to think about you. Just for now. Cuz I know we'll always be a part of each other. And Im learning how to be content with your decision. But Im not there yet. Give it time. Time heals all wounds, Im just trying to keep the wound clean so it can heal faster.

We'll always be part of each other, and I can't keep you out of my life forever. Just give me this little bit of time. Give me the chance to adapt. Let me learn to be content with watching you ride out to sea, and finding my place at home on the beach, as the sand beneath your feet.